Oops, I did it again

Wow. 7 months have gone by.

Emmy cut her first tooth today. Lower left front tooth.

She is wickedly cute.

One is the loneliest number

It's been a year (almost to the day!) since I last posted. It had become a job. And I had enough jobs.

But my goodness, I love reading about Anna's first months. So I don't want to let this opportunity pass.


Welcome to the world our second daughter, Emelia Grace! She was born on Monday, October 29, 2007 at 1:15PM, weighing 6 lb. and 4 oz. and measuring 21 inches.

Now our family is complete. For now, anyhow.

I totally hate that I am forever finding myself comparing Emmy to Anna. And people are forever asking me to compare them. Oh well. I guess I (and Emmy!) better get used to it. But she is truly wonderful. She is almost 4 weeks old, and I think she will smile soon! She is another very good baby, and I'm not sure what we did to deserve two children with such pleasant, easy temperaments.

I regret that I didn't write about the last year of Anna's life. She is just such an incredibly amazing person. She is so smart it makes me cringe. I hope that I'm not imagining that she's brilliant. But she says words I didn't know she knew every day, and she counts her toys when I'm not looking, and she tries to sing the alphabet, and I know that some other kids know the whole alphabet at 18 months, but... I don't know. She is just smarter than most kids. I know it. I can't think of any examples right now, but I will come up with an anecdote soon, and I will record it for posterity.

Oh, before I sign off, I think Emmy's losing her hair on the crown of her head. Just like Anna. (Sorry, I couldn't help it.) And this disappoints me. Oh, and her hair is curlier than Anna's. (Oops, I did it again.) And it's lighter than Anna's. (Sue me.) Emmy might be a blonde as a child. Her eyelashes and eyebrows are practically invisibly pale.

She can pull herself up. And crawl. And eat. She just doesn't want to.

She can be motivated.

Stupid blogger won't let me upload pictures. Again. Sigh.

She takes it like such a champ.

After much agony, we decided to get Anna a flu vaccine. I won't go into why it was a big decision--I find that people either say, "Of course you should!" or "Those are stupid and don't work and they have mercury and they're going to give her autism and..." At any rate, with the helpful opinions of Mike's colleagues and others, we went for it.

And this morning she got it, which we were really scared about. We truly fear that it will make her not feel well for some time, and I never look forward to her getting a shot.

And she didn't even cry. Nor wince. Nor act like anything even remotely interesting was happening.

Oh, and she's officially 8 months old. She didn't do anything exciting to commemorate this birthday. She seems to be more or less over her cold. I, on the other hand, am not. I have a productive cough indicating that I am near the end of the misery. "Productive cough" is such a nice way of saying that I'm spewing green chunks of bile from my lungs.

Damn, she's fine!

On Friday, I weighed what I weighed before I got pregnant.

On Saturday, I wore my pre-pregnancy jeans.

On Sunday, I never showered or changed my underwear.

7 months old

In 6 days, Anna will be 8 months old.

But Anna being 7 months old has been so much fun, and so significant, I must tell you all about it.

On October 8, her 7-month birthday, she had several milestones. It was a gorgeous weekend, and Mike repaired some windows on the outside of the house and I planted all of my crocus bulbs. Anna sat on a blanket in the grass, and she actually got herself dirty playing! She scooted as close as she could to the edge of the blanket, and then pulled it up into her lap so she could get at the cool grass and mud. She happily ripped off blades of grass for what seemed like an eternity. It was a nice family day.

On that day, we also went to the grocery store, and she sat in the baby section of the cart. It was slightly nervewracking for me, as she looked so teensy and vulnerable in there. The safety strap was up under her armpits instead of around her belly, so she just kind of dangled among our bananas and broccoli. I think she liked it.

Then, that night, she sat up in the bathtub. We used the bath pillow of course, but let her sit on it and we can pour water right over her whole head and she doesn't mind at all! And she plays with her toys in the tub. It's much more fun this way. (Except now I have the agonizing task of keeping her from lunging for the drain. It is apparently a fascinating drain. Thankfully, the little white hair catcher sufficiently camouflages the spot for now.)

And finally, after all her milestones of the day, after her bath, we caught the little bugger trying to stand. up. in. her. crib! She doesn't even try to sit up on her own (still doesn't at almost 8 months!), but she planted both little feet against the vertical rails, and grabbed the top horizontal rail, and she grunted and tugged and puuuuulllllled, and her little butt was almost 6 inches off the mattress! Soon she busted us watching her and laughing, so she broke into her I-didn't-know-you-were-watching-me smile, and she shook her little arms with excitement. (Lest I forget someday, when Anna is excited, she pounds her arms up and down and up and down in unison, as if she were banging her knife and spoon on a table, chanting, "We want food! We want food!")

So it was a big birthday! And the month just kept getting better. And yuckier.

She had her first cold. It wasn't actually all that terrible, but I didn't expect to be so saddened by her pathetic state. She just had snot everywhere, and she sneezed, and she was extra needy, and I just wanted her to be able to feel better. But she was not unbearable. But she hated having her nose suctioned. But I was such a baby about this cold! I was so scared that she wouldn't be able to breathe well that I kept her in bed with us the first night. But some other moms had suggested that sleeping with us would keep her warm and comfortable, and we could keep her head raised (we all slept on a wall of pillows not unlike Big Bird's nest), and she could nurse often which is supposedly the best thing for a cold. It's funny how memories fade so quickly--I'm now remembering that she had some trouble eating for a very long periods, and she nursed so often, and the top of my breasts would be covered in snot... in hindsight, it wasn't so bad. But at the time, I think it was upsetting.

And also in month 7, she had (well, has) her second cold. Sigh. But again, she's in good spirits (perhaps better than the first time around) and this time the nasal aspirator (aka booger bulb) doesn't piss her off to no end.

And now for the better things in this month: On October 9, Anna swung in a real swing at the park.

On October 25, Anna waved bye-bye to me. It was truly amazing. We have been really practicing that, and making a big production of bye-byes for some time. A few nights before the first real wave, she had half waved, or just raised her arm, to say bye-bye to friends who'd come over for dinner. We weren't sure if it was a real wave, but on the 25th, she did it. There was no mistaking it. I was coming in to work, and Mike was picking her up. We brought her upstairs to see some of my coworkers, and she was passed around for a few minutes. Then, as Mike and she were about to leave, my boss and others said "Bye bye!" to Anna, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her little arm go up and down... and I gasped, "Did she just wave?" and they all said, "yeah" as if it were no big deal! And I turned to her and waved, and said, "Bye bye Anna, bye bye!" And she smiled from ear to ear and sweetly waved back. And my heart melted.

She has since been waving bye-bye more predictably, and she always smiles so big when she does it, like she's really proud of herself. Except it just now occurs to me that I'm always grinning like an idiot when I try to get her to do it, so perhaps she thinks smiling is part of the the wave. But that's okay with me.

I think that Mike thought I was making a bigger deal of it than it was, but maybe Daddies are just too cool to get visibly excited about these things. He's happier when she stares at Jerry playing guitar on the TV--and that's not an intellectual leap, I think she's just wondering what's up with the stoned guy. But I saw her waving as her first true communication. See, babies can communicate from the beginning, in that they can show what they want or need, but they are actual physical signs of what they want or need. She shows excitement when she sees me lift my shirt (well, can you blame her?!), but that's because she is excited. She smiles when she sees something she likes, but that's because she's actually happy, she's not doing it to show me she's happy. Babies can't fake smiles to try to convince someone they're happy. She turns her head when she doesn't want something, but that's because she doesn't want any more of the orange goop shoved into her mouth. She's not saying, "No more, please." She is just instinctively turning away. But waving bye-bye has no practical meaning or effect. It's an ambiguous symbol that communicates an agreed upon idea (and this just happens to be the definition of a word!) So maybe she doesn't really know that when we wave bye-bye that we're going to be apart for a while (seeing as Mike and I play Bye-Bye Anna when we go upstairs and downstairs), but she knows that we just do it for fun, and to show each other that we love each other.

And she can now lift her arms to show me that she'd like to be picked up. I'm torn on this one. Is lifting her arms just accomplishing the physical task of being easier to pick up (and therefore it has no communicative meaning), or is she showing me that she wants to be picked up (and therefore using an ambiguous symbol)?? (Well, it's certainly not totally ambiguous. It's kind of like an onomatopoeic word (see here)--it sort of becomes a symbol even though it has obvious residual real meaning.) For some time now, she has occasionally reached for me, and that I see as a plain physical desire on her part. She's not trying to tell anyone anything, she's just trying to get into my arms. But she's doing that more and more now, and at some point, I have to believe that she's actually saying, "I like you, Mommy."

Speaking of this reaching, I know that I have seen her absolutely, positively reach for her daddy once. I'm not sure if she's done it other times that were less clear. But even when she did it clearly, he denied it. I don't know if she reaches for him when it's just someone else and him, because if I'm present she just reaches for me. It's becoming sad for me--she loves Mike so much, and it's very apparent when he comes home at night. She shrieks and giggles and couldn't be happier to see him. But she is definitely becoming mommy-centric. It's to be expected at this age, but it makes me feel guilty. (And good.) (But more guilty.)

Further, within the past week she has started lunging into my lap, trying to actually crawl to me for holding and cuddling. She has crawled a total of about 6 inches in her lifetime (cumulatively, I mean, not all at once), but she sure is trying when she wants in my lap. She's pretty good at going from sitting within a foot of me to lying with her upper half on my legs, her little butt and legs flailing, wanting to get closer. That's nice. (Interestingly, Lucy has also started doing this, even though she's 2 months younger. And Lucy is a great crawler, so she can make it into my lap with no problem. I think Anna is actually starting to feel jealousy, and it's been quite a motivator! I am becoming more convinced every day that Anna is trying to accomplish new things because she sees Lucy do them. As an example, Anna now goes from sitting to kneeling (!) so that she can reach into the toy basket.)

And finally, what I see as Anna's next major cognitive stride: she is suddenly very into handing you things. She holds a toy out for you to take, and you take it, and she reaches to take it back, and you give it back, and she looks at it for a moment, and then she offers it to you. And she is so happy to just give it back and forth! So I've made an elaborate game of "May I have it, please?" and "Thank you!" and "Would you like it?" and "You're welcome!" And she thinks it is great fun.

Oh, and before I forget, she is very hot and cold about baby food. Sometimes she devours it (especially if her Grandpa Dunn gives it--weird.) Sometimes she turns up her nose. But she usually likes whatever I'm eating. She has had bits of carrot from my chicken soup; butternut squash, leek, and garlic soup (yum!); honeydew; watermelon; and squash risotto with bacon and cheese. She absolutely loved the risotto but I worried with all that cheese in it. (Relax!!! I didn't give her any bacon. Even though bacon tastes good!) I am going to make her some more plain risotto this weekend and see how it goes over. She can sort of maybe hold her sippy cup. She has trouble tilting it up to drink, but she did it once and luckily, we got it on video!

So, in all, she's quite a baby, don't you think??

Happy Halloween. Sort of.

For Anna's first Halloween, I dressed up as a frazzled new mommy. I got my hair nice and frizzy, put it in a ponytail, and then rubbed curdled milk spit-up on the shoulder of my tshirt. For that extra little touch, I put some boogers on my stretch pants.

Anna was dressed up as a baby with a cold, complete with snot running from nostrils to chin, and I even left her pajamas on all day long so they could get extra crusty by trick-or-treat time.

But Mike got to show her off and give out goodies (pretzels, ritz cracker sandwiches or whole grain teddy grahams--we're not going to contribute to rotting teeth or obesity around here) to all the neighborhood kids while I worked.

I feel kind of guilty. What should I write in her baby book? My friend at work took her baby to Target in his little lion costume with black paint on his nose, and she had professional photos done with him leaning on a big orange BOO! I can't decide if she's really got it all figured out or if she's just a freak of nature. I hope Anna someday appreciates our laissez-faire approach to life.

Bittersweet baby

It seems like every day, Mike turns to me and says, "I don't think I've ever seen her be this cute!"

And she is cute. She stands in her exersaucer, and jumps like it's her job, like she's auditioning for a Riverdance tour. She screams and squeals, and she blows loud, wet raspberries, letting spit splatter all her toys. And she smiles. She has many smiles now, including the boy-am-I-happy-to-see-you gummy grin, the I-didn't-know-you-were-watching-me-play bashful smirk, the ahhh-life-is-good-now-what-can-I-play-with? smug smile. That last one is one of our favorites. It's become her signature look. Her lips are pressed together tightly, slightly pursed, but her cheeks and eyes are smiling. She just looks happy. And satisfied.

But I have been finding occasionally, and it's becoming more and more often, that I'm just not as excited about her excitement, or as moved by it, as I have been in the past. Perhaps eventually, your baby's discoveries and developments become almost mundane. Or perhaps I've just been bummed out. I don't enjoy things like I used to, and it's starting to bother me. I think I'm still having a little trouble adjusting to life as a working mother, and Mike's class schedule makes it even harder than it would be. But, at the same time, this week has been the smoothest one yet! We are slowly building a new routine, and getting to bed a little earlier, and we are more prepared for each day ahead of us.

It's a long road ahead.

Milestone memory: chopsticks

Last night, Mike handed Anna a chopstick which she inspected. Then he handed her another, and she held both up, one in each hand. Then Mike held two chopsticks and clicked them together as a percussion instrument. She may have tried banging hers together, but she's not very coordinated. It's hard to say.

But it reminded me of a pleasant memory of her holding a chopstick in her cubby little hand for the first time. It was the first thing she ever held on her own. How odd that before that she couldn't hold anything at all! And how odd that I was so excited about it when she did it! And now she can hold many things.

Oh my goodness, I just thought of something I don't think I ever wrote about here!! Anna is now sleeping in her crib, all by herself. Her first night alone in her crib was Labor Day, September 3 to 4. And she slept for about 10 hours uninterrupted. I missed her. But she seems to sleep well there, and we can put her to bed and continue doing whatever we want in the evening without worrying about waking her up. More nights than not, she is still waking to eat at 4:30 or so. Sure, it'd be nice if she didn't, but that is about 7 hours after her last feeding, and she goes right back to sleep, so whatever. So our routine is: Mike retrieves her from her crib at 4:30 and I nurse her while lying in bed. I am half asleep, and sometimes I doze off. She nurses for a while and then dozes off. We sleep until about 6:00, and then Mike and I have to get up (yuck!) So Mike returns her to her crib, and she sleeps until we wake her to get ready for the sitter, or until 8:00 or so if it's one of our stay-at-home with Lucy days.

But last night, Anna slept most of the night with me. It was nice to have her back in my arms. She hardly ate yesterday at the babysitter's--she is either getting a tooth or she has a cold. So she was extra hungry overnight and she came to be with me at 1:30AM and stayed. We woke around 7:00, and she was smiling at me, just happy to be alive. I am not a morning person, but it sure does make it easier to get the day going when you wake up to a set of cherubic cheeks just barely lit up by the rising sun peeking through the window.

Her smile brings me peace and comfort I have rarely known.

There is nothing like squeezing my baby, and pressing my cheek to hers. Ahhhhhh.

Too worn out to come up with a clever title

Wow. I let a month and a half pass without writing a thing about Anna. I will forget all of the sweet things she's done and learned, and all of the sweet things she has already grown out of, and therefore will never do again.

She'll be 7 months old later this week. She's such a big girl, sitting up completely on her own, and playing happily with real toys. She is also such a perfect little baby though, as she doesn't try to move. Ever. She just sits there. Mike's oldest brother did this, and my oldest sister did this, so I'm not surprised or worried. I'm relieved. I still walk away from her on the changing table (gasp!) and I still let her nap on our bed or on the couch as long as the ottoman is pulled up. She can roll, but she usually doesn't choose to, and she has never rolled over repeatedly in order to get to something. I feel entirely confident that she won't roll off anything. I'm sure this confidence will be shattered and embarassing the moment she rolls off something. Oh well.

She hates solid food. Or she hates being fed solid food. I don't know if it's the taste, or the texture, or the spoon, or the bib. She'll good-naturedly let you shove the spoon in her mouth a couple of times, but then she gets all "wtf?" and pouts. I hate to say that she cries, but she whimpers, and moans, and looks at me with these sad, depserate eyes, as if to say, "Puh-lease don't make me do this, Mommy." So I don't. Perhaps I'm a sucker, or perhaps I'm a confident, intuitive Mommy. But I won't make her do it, and the research overwhelmingly supports my decision. Now I just have to get her doctors and the rest of the world on board with me.

These are the things I'll want to remember:

• she is just learning to find the humor in blowing motorcycle sounds on her tummy.
• she is just starting to lay her head on my shoulder when I hold her upright. I was starting to think that she would never melt into me--from the time she had even minimal neck strength, she looked behind me alertly any time I held her up. And before that, she was too weak to lay her head on me. Her head just kind of fell down onto her shoulders and she couldn't really squeeze into me like she needed me. But now... oh, now. She holds on, and snuggles, and rubs her cheeks on my shoulder, and I can feel her exhale with comfort and just melt.
• she is suddenly easily startled. She doesn't like sudden noise or surprises, and the Jack-in-the-Box elicits anything from a stuck out lower lip and whimpering to tears streaming down her face and screaming. It would be sad if it weren't so darned precious.

I'm starting to see some personality. I wonder if she'll be a very timid little girl? That'd be a surprise to me, given Mike's and my dispositions, but it'd be a welcome surprise. No, I would not mind having a daughter who loves me to death and clings to me and would rather be with me than anyone else in the whole wide world. Sure, it would come with its own anxieties and I'd constantly be pushing her to try something new and hang out with other people, but I love the idea of a cuddly little bug who wants to sit in my lap and be snuggled all the time. Ahh.